B - 'Assessment 2' (otherwise untitled) - Victoria

I know Love, the truest Love. I know what it feels like to Love from the depths of my spirit, it's conflicting and confusing and beautiful all the same. Love is not lead into battle by a lording ego, it’s a surrendering to itself. Desires of the flesh have little place meddling with the dreams of the spirit; acquire and require presence, commune with Love through divinity and converse as so too. My soul ties to you; my heart doors swing open for you, for others, for Love. Welcome, and thank you for having me.

My family home is dark. A girl is living here, I don’t know her but she seems nice. I'm with mum in the living room which has doubled up as a bedroom I ask her why she has allowed Evil into our home, I tell her I want change, I want a positive change, information on something troubling, but she tells me nothing I want to know. Something is wrong with my mother, she’s surrounded by Evil and she isn’t fighting it, it’s clear that she has given up, given in to the enemy. Why won’t you fight the Evil? Her eyes snapped at me, followed by a hard, swift punch, I hear my front teeth break and I look down, they fall into my hand and my lips, my gums, they begin to bleed. It was in this moment I knew the Evil in her; I knew why she felt she could not fight. I don’t ask her anything further, she is taken, but I will not surrender. I see Ina, standing behind the glass door of the living room, maybe she’s checking on me. My bleeding face looks over to her, she’s still, smiling obliviously; I want to ask her things my mum refused to answer, but I'm too afraid.

I’m walking along a roof top with heavy eyes that barely open, I cannot see where I am going and I know I’m coming closer to the edge but I won't fall, I’m guided, I’m in control despite this deliriousness.

I'm in a mall of some sort, Evil is before me, formless yet present. Evil wants to make a deal with me: something is hidden here and if I find it, Evil will be lifted from my home. Nothing was made clear but that the key to my troubles, the key to what troubles and destroys my family was here, somewhere, in some form. I run. I run aimlessly through the market, little cartoon-like dinosaurs chase me through double doors and around many corners, they disappear and I end up where I started. A friend stands with me, I don't recognise him. We say something to each other before being interrupted by two blackboots bursting through the front doors shouting, waving guns around. Aimed at me, they say they're here to help. I know one of them, I thought you had been taken, or killed! I can see myself, they tell me they want to help but I run from the guns, one shoots me in the foot and I scream, though I don't feel the pain, I waddle to and out of the fire exit and into an alley.

I remember the girl’s face, the one living in my home, half shadowed in black, the rest lit by a red light. I remember my teeth had grown back. I remember that I could not find my sister, I needed her help against the Evil, I figured she left to save herself.

A night in February, exactly one week after Valentine Day, for which she spent eating, drinking and chatting with her sister, she went to bed with an excited fearfulness pinning her gut to the walls of her insides and a fist, tightly wrapped around her heart. That night was almost sleepless; cut short by fear of morning. She awoke before her alarm, not at all drained from the lack of sleep; it’ll hit me later. A hop into the tub, a long steamed shower to soothe silence into her nerves before she sat, loosely wrapped in a towel, on the edge of the bed staring at the mirror, losing time in thoughts. She was dressed and ready surprisingly quick, there was no double guessing the double denim, the hair, the camo print beanie and the acid wash hippy-cut top. Anticipation has stolen her appetite, so she leaves empty and full. Jay sits by the steps of the station entrance, a thirty-something homeless friend of hers; she would bring him food, share ciggies, hot drinks and they would chat together. This time she had somewhere to be, so she slaps hands with him and tells him she has a date, he says something light-heartedly perverted and they slap hands once more before she heads for the platform. Riding the train to Kings Cross St Pancras with nerves looping and shooting around her body, through her veins and knocking at the backs of her eyeballs. Early, she walks through Kings Cross towards where they agreed to meet: outside a WHSmith store, the one opposite the timetable screens. She awaits her date’s arrival, a phone in one hand and keys swinging and palming in the other. 

"What color is coat r??" 12:58 

"??" 13:00 

Blue 13:03 

"Where r u?. I hope I'm on the tight place.." 13:03 

I'm outside whsnmith pretty.. Where are you? 13:08 

As she swung and palmed her keys, pacing slowly, heart pounding in her chest like she had been injected with a triple espresso, she turns and there she sees the split of a second of a smile she almost recognises, then she drops her keys. She swiftly picks the keys from the floor, all the while the smile racing through her mind a thousand times over, their eyes meet and they approach each other, not saying a word, just smiling. She took Ina in and held her tightly, she had no words nor did Ina, and they walked side-by-side smiling in disbelief and stepping in love. Some things were said that they would never remember, maybe questions were asked and maybe they were answers. They walked to a nearby Pret, she bought them both a hot chocolate. While she waited to pay she turned to look at Ina, who took her and hugged her. She paid and handed Ina her drink. They walked to the exit towards the long marble seat-like structures just outside, she motioned for Ina’s hand, a bold move for the first minutes of a first date, you might think, but Ina squeezed back and they continued, smiling still to themselves and each other and not speaking but speaking without words but with presence and energy, light and love.

Later, she was home, her door locked. Collapsed on the bed she could only lay there, staring at the ceiling, without the slightest idea of how to express herself, what just happened? I don't understand. She was feeling feelings she had always wanted to feel and always knew she could feel but never had before. Fuck! She cried. Mine is the face of someone who is love struck; love startled. I’ve been left speechless, longing for more. More. More. Her lips, she's kissable, they’re soft. Her eyes are beautiful, light brown portals transporting me into the depths of her, she’s most comfortable. I feel so lost! Your voice, your smile, your kiss, your touch; you're unbelievable.

She knows there's something here, the same something she searched for, there were no descriptions, no instructions, no map and no guide; just move, go, run in to it. It has something to do with Ina, something to do with a lot of things but Ina, she activated it, she is the key. Nothing more than agreeing to meet had to be done; it had already been done, decided.

A month later, Ina escorts her to the station and they say goodbye. Ina didn’t want to drag it out because it made her emotional. She left for Greece, for two weeks or two years or two decades; the time spent apart is relative to what is felt inside and between them, too much was felt, too much for the flesh, never enough for the spirit. I can’t wait to see you again.