'Wood End' by Tanaka Sasha Ngwenya

They say the first is always special. If I think it through that remains the same for you, my memories of us together are not a distant dream but remain as clear as day. A hot July Afternoon that is, where me and my brother would splash around in the inflatable pool, both of us horrible swimmers but here… here we were kings, we felt like Olympic royalty in the garden, our garden. Time is precious, each second passes through my fingers like sand on the beach. I get the same feeling when I flick through old pictures that sit for dust to collect, I remember this green bush to your right - my left. No matter the season it remained firm and evergreen, I always thought it would stand the test of time, I hoped the same for us. I would leave you, spend hours in the park - a green oasis surrounded by a concrete pile. It was my slice of heaven in an afternoon filled with cereal, bottomless baked beans and loud cartoons. Not that I’m complaining, I loved all of that. In my whole life I don’t think I’ve come close to feeling as content as I did in those afternoons. However, every growing boy just needs to exercise, stretch his legs, and I did that, oh boy did I do that. Every thrust on that rusty swing gave me a rush of endorphins which made me feel I was King of the world, the squeaks of the rigid metal work swarmed the small haven, but they didn’t bother me as I was busy conquering my own world. Walking back to you, meant leaving the oasis and stepping into a dystopian cul-de-sac, where everything was the same, the houses, the cars, the shops and streets just looked tired. Everything felt slow, it may have just been the heat, frying my young brain but I remember things felt a lot slower back then. I drove by that same park the other day, but I did not dare enter, some childhood memories are best kept just like that - in your childhood and not ruined by a mature brain that can no longer see the magic in the simple things.

A young man’s dream. You were the spark that kept me up at night, you and the exorcist video that haunted my mind. It’s crazy to think I almost set you alight, bless the old lady that came to the rescue. Saved Me, You and Max, it wasn’t the first or last time we flirted with danger. I remember smaller fires I was able to extinguish - microwave flames thrown in the sink. What was I thinking, was I thinking? All I know is I felt safe within you. But I was a ticking time bomb, I needed space before I could do any serious damage. Ultimately, I think you drove me to want more, the things I went through during our short time together moulded me into who I was going to become, an ambitious man with his head in the clouds - feet firmly on the ground. When I lost my scooter, you were there. When my friend broke my favourite game and I had a sinking heart, you were there. Even though my world fell apart, your walls remained firm and I was able to piece myself together. That bond between a boy and his first is engraved into the book of life, it’s no wonder I still think about you after all these years. So, I find myself parked on your street once again, caught up in never ending rain washing away our past. The evergreen bush is weathered, the lawn no longer full of life. My head can’t keep up with the fast pace surroundings of the busy roads, new bus stops and the different looking houses. I struggle to paint my memories on this new rough canvas. It was a mistake coming back, you knew that, but I had to find my heart.