Hey guys, here's my piece for this week's Writing Critique Workshop. Hope you enjoy!
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Jacob’s tears were lit up by the fire. The warm blaze flickered and spat as he sat in front of it. His legs started to go numb, but he was too zoned out to fully notice. Forest trees surrounded him, rising up into the sombre and starless sky, and a sharp silence poisoned the atmosphere.
He stared deeply. He watched the flames dance and sway with a chaotic grace, like a hellish ballet show. All he could wonder was how he got here.
There was nothing. Just this warm feeling, trying to thaw out the cold he felt inside.
“What do you see?” a voice whispered. No one else was there. The words did not belong to anyone. But they echoed in Jacob’s ears for a few lingering seconds. He continued to gaze blindly into the bonfire.
“I see regret” he said aloud.
“What do you regret, Jacob?”
A moment of hesitation. He stumbled over his thoughts, as his throat began to close up.
“... I’m not sure.”
“Then you do not feel regret.”
But he was sure he did. He knew he did.
“So why can I see it?” he asked the voice.
“Because you long for the past. You wish to reconcile with those you have hurt. It is in your nature. You do not feel regret, you feel sympathy.”
His mind harked back to Erin. Her wit, her beauty. Jacob missed everything about her. The silence spent between them as they crossed paths every other day continued to hurt him. To think about those moments not spent in silence, those moments spent in everlasting joy, hurt him even more. Now, she was just another stranger, another entity that moved through the air. More tears fell down his golden cheek.
“What else do you see?” the voice asked.
He stared into the fire again. Reds, yellows and oranges entangled with one another and rose higher and higher into the sky with every gust of wind, which was becoming harsher as the night went on.
Jacob sat still, eyes burning. He brushed his hand against his cheek, wiping away a tear.
“I see..."
Then, blindness.
The fire erupted in its place, kissing the black sky with its flaming lips and licking Jacob's skin. It screamed an unearthly cry that pierced his ears and shook the trees.
Suddenly, he was caught in a vortex. He felt the raging inferno consume him as he was sucked through the forest floor into an open abyss. He tumbled and turned hopelessly. Nothing to grab on to, nothing to see. Just a cosmic mix of black, blue, and purple.
He stopped tumbling. He was left floating in the centre of emptiness, unable to move, paralysed yet still breathing.
"Look around you, Jacob" the voice echoed. Every syllable vibrated his bones. "What do you see now?"
Jacob studied the abyss he found himself in. He looked towards the farthest corners and could not make out a thing. Just darkness. Everything, and everyone, was gone.
He opened his mouth to speak.
Not a single word escaped.
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